No sign of AF yet!!!

CD 27

AF normally starts early on day 27 but nothing so far. Since I have been on Clomid have had 26/27 day cycles without fail so am wondering when she is going to show as I have no symptoms that she is on her way yet.

Am determined not to get my hopes up as surely if I was pregnant then the first response test I did on Wednesday would have showed it wouldn't it?

I am obviously hoping af stays away but I won't be doing any more pregnancy tests until Monday at the earliest if it stays away that long. I know if it doesn't arrive tomorrow I will definitely be wondering what's happened to it this month.

Oh well, I can only hope!!!

Expecting AF tomorrow!!

CD 26

Nothing much to report. Am expecting AF to start tomorrow. I just want to get going on this last cycle now.

I rang my doctors for an appointment and there was none available with my doctor so have to try ringing on Tuesday morning early to see if I can get an appointment on the day. I am hoping he will send me for a blood test on CD21 again so I can check I have ov. I have to have a blood test around then for my iron levels so shouldn't be too much hassle for them to check.

Can't remember if I updated what my iron levels were after the last blood test a few weeks ago but they had gone up slightly to 9.6 and I have to have them done again in a few weeks.

Hopefully AF will arrive soon so we can get on with it!!

Worse day so far!!!

I don't why on earth I keep putting myself through this. I hate it. Every month is the same. I get my hopes raised only to be brought back down to earth extremely harshly with an almighty bump. I suppose really I shouldn't torment myself by doing tests but I can't help it. I find it impossible to hold back in the 2nd week of the 2 week wait.

I did a first response test straight away when I got up this morning and it was horrible Big Fat Negative. I was devastated and got back into bed for a cuddle with dh. He cuddled me and just let me cry it out which was what I needed I think. Then I had to plaster a happy face on for the kids and get them ready for school.

I chatted to a good friend on facebook this morning and she has made me feel better about things and put a smile back on my face for a little while. She has been through Clomid before but unfortunately it didn't work for her and she has accepted that she will never have any children. I really don't think I could accept that but I suppose there will come a time when I think enough is enough and take a break but I can't see that happening at the moment.

I am so desperate for another baby. I just cannot imagine life without another one. I was watching Josh & Ellie playing with a little baby on Saturday and even help give her a bottle and I really want them to be able to do that with their own brother or sister. I just hope we get there some day soon as it is starting to eat away at me now.

I thought I had done really well this month too concentrating on losing weight but it always gets so hard to think of anything else in the 2 week wait.

Am feeling lousy too now and am just waiting for af to show up so I can get on with the next month of Clomid. This is the last month I have tablets for so am going to try and get in to see my doctor over the next week or so to see if he will prescribe me some more. I am really scared he will say no and then I don't know what I will do. Dh has said he doesn't want to go down the more invasive routes of iui or ivf plus we haven't the money to do it either so that's out. I just hope it works soon cos each month is like ripping my heart out.

I'll update again when either I can post something more positive or I go to the doctors.

Hoping for a BFP!!

CD 24 - 10/11 days after ov

I just tested with an ebay cheapie ovulation test as I have read how they can pick up pregnancy HCG levels and I got a positive!!!! It came up just within the 5 minutes.

I am trying so hard not to get my hopes up in case there is some mistake but am failing miserably.

I didn't use fmu but decided to test after needing to go for a wee loads, (.Y.) still aching but especially nips lol!! I am so absolutely shattered too even though I am not really doing anything in the daytime whilst the kids are at school. Also I weighed in this morning and have put on 2lb!! Not fair when I have been so good!!

I have felt nauseous for the last few days and today it is lasting much longer and I do feel as though I do actually want to be sick!!

When I was pregnant with both ds10 and dd6 I had terrible morning sickness from 6 weeks to 16 weeks and was in and out of the hospital on a drip with Hyperemesis Gravidarum as I could not keep anything down. At the time it felt like hell on earth but it is a good sign and if I am pregnant then I will be worried if I am not sick.

I have one first response test and 2 boots pregnancy tests upstairs but not sure when to use them. Will definitely wait till at least tomorrow so can test with fmu. I am worried about wasting them though but af is due Friday so surely it wouldn't be too early to test?

Argh!! I wish I could fast forward time by 24 hours then I would know either way for definite as I am not sure whether to trust the ebay cheapie or not.

Please let this be it as I don't think I can take anymore. I really hope I am pregnant at last and its a sticky one.

All I can do I guess is wait till tomorrow!! Wish me luck!! Will update again first thing in the morning!!

I think I ov'd

CD 16

I think I may have ov'd yesterday. Have had a few aches in that area but not as bad as other months where the pain has been terrible. Perhaps my ovaries are getting used to it now lol.

I have my fingers crossed this will be our month but am trying not to get my hopes up too much. I hate the 2 week wait and wish we didn't have to wait so long to find out as it always drags more and more each month.

I have been quite focussed on my diet this last week which has helped greatly and hopefully will take my mind off the the 2 week wait as much as possible!! Sending lots of babydust to anyone who reads this!!

Hoping to ov today or tomorrow.

CD 14 Month 5 on Clomid 50mg

Well so far this month have babydanced on cd 5, 6, 11, 13, 14. Hope to babydance again tonight and tomorrow morning and Monday and Tuesday next week whilst the kids are in school. It does have some advantages the kids going to school lol!!

I am not using ov sticks this month and have tried not to think too much about ttc. I have instead been focusing more on eating healthily and losing weight. It is great as it is giving me something else to focus on too instead of focusing all my energy on ttc.

Today and yesterday had lots of EWCM (sorry tmi!!) so hoping to ovulate later today or early tomorrow. I haven't had any ovary pains yet that I seem to get around ov so am assuming that I haven't ov'd yet.

My problem is the two week wait when I start to obsess over symptoms and am really hoping to avoid doing so as much to avoid the sheer disappointment of last month!! Really hope though that this is our month.

Feeling more positive again!!

CD 7 Month 5 on Clomid

I am feeling a lot more positive then I was. I have to get on with it and dust myself down and start again. I am trying to completely relax about everything this month and not stress which I know will be hard but I have to try to do so.

I probably won't do ov tests this month and will try and just go with the flow and babydance lots!! I seem to get really bad ov pains so I guess I will still know when. I am also going to try not to test until AF is actually late to try and avoid the heartache of April.

We are going for it hammer and tongue this month lol. I suppose this month will be our best shot at it really as the kids will be in school during the week so I have dh all to myself and he will only be working weekends til the end of May when he starts doing 7 days a week so he will be more tired then. So far so good anyway even though its early on in the cycle!!

Thanks for your comments Bridget and Emma on my last post. It did cross my mind that it could be OHSS or something to do with cysts on my ovary perhaps. I drank plenty of water to try and flush it out and rested as much as possible but was a bit worried about going to the doctors in case he took me off the clomid.

I feel much better now. The pain on the first day was the worst but it did start to ease off and after about 4 days it had gone completely thankfully.

I think if nothing happens this cycle than I will ask my doctor if I could be scanned as I have never had a scan to check my ovaries and possibly the pain I get could be due to a cyst twisting perhaps. I remember when I had an early scan when I was pregnant with Ellie they mentioned something about seeing a fibroid but that has never been followed up so I might see if he will send me for a scan.

I had another blood test done at the doctors on Thursday to check my iron levels again. The good news is I haven't heard from them yet which is good as me and the receptionist were beginning to get on first name terms lol. I hope I can stop these Iron Tablets soon as I hate them and their lovely side effects.

GUTTED!!!!!!!!!

CD 1 Month 5 on Clomid

GUTTED!!!!!!! is how I feel today. I was so certain that this would be our month and I have been bought back down to earth with an almighty bump this morning.

I got up and did a first response pg test first thing and got a BFN so was gutted then anyway but now af has arrived I feel even lower if that is possible.

I had all the 'right' symptoms. My (.Y.) felt like they did when I was pregnant with Ellie, I was peeing for England and was so exhausted.

Dh was brilliant this morning and held me and cuddled me whilst I sobbed my heart out. He even joked that we would have to go back to bed everyday whilst the kids were in school to try and lift me.

At the moment I feel as if it will never happen again for us. I know I am so blessed and lucky to have Joshua and Ellie but I have always wanted a large family and it feels like it is slipping further and further away from me!! This is probably just the hormones talking though and on a positive day I do think it will happen eventually but I am not terribly patient!!

The only way I can try to deal with the huge disappointment of this month is to focus on May and come up with a plan.

I am going to really get back on the wagon and lose as much weight as possible. Now the kids are going to school I will start at either Weight Watchers or Slimming World this week and will also join the gym at our local sports centre as I am carrying a fair bit of excess weight and need to get as much off as possible. I only have enough Clomid left for this month and next month and if they don't work will have to get my doctor to prescribe me some more and I am worried that he may refuse if I haven't lost enough weight.

Also plan on using the clearblue digital ovulation tests to be 100% certain that I am ov'ing from day 11 onwards.

Plan on going back to bed with dh practically every day when the kids are in school as I am too tired sometimes in the evenings and much prefer it in the mornings.

I am in agony today with my left ovary. It is really giving me some jip!! Dh has been a star and walked to tesco express at 7am to get me some painkillers as the pain is so bad!!

Josh wanted to go to church this morning (he's a good catholic boy!) but I just want to sit here curled up on the settee watching the marathon and the F1 Grand Prix.

Josh has a St George's Day Parade on this afternoon with Cub's in the park but I don't really want to move as I am worried about it being so heavy (sorry tmi!!)but will have to make myself. I am hoping af is like last month where it wasn't too bad but I am in the most pain I can remember with it at the moment.

I need to get my blood test done again this week for anaemia to see if things have improved. I have no idea whether they have and am worried that if this af is really heavy then it will undo all that the iron tablets have done over the last month and a bit. Plus I have been so exhausted this week but that could be to do with the fact that I have been running round like a headless chicken sorting out the kids uniform ready for starting school tomorrow.

Dh is at work but at least he is off every Mon-Fri til the end of May when he does 7 days a week til the end of the season at the beginning of November. No doubt he will rope me into helping him whilst the kids are at school.

I really need a holiday at the moment but with the kids just about to start school then we have no chance. We had hoped to go over to my BIL's caravan for a couple of nights but never got a chance to with the kids deciding to go to school. Might see if finances allow if we can have a night away on our own at our favourite hotel around ov time this month. Finances have been tight the last few weeks as practically every penny we have has gone into our business so I hope it picks up soon and we start to earn some money or we will be living on bread and water for a month or two!!

Hopefully I will feel better in a few days once af is finished and we can concentrate on the month ahead.